I am so disappointed. Monday morning here. I am back from my supervision. The kids are napping and DH is off to a funeral. I thought I would spend a few minutes on FB while having a coffee. What do I find? More pictures of underage kids doing stupid things while their parents watch and/or do nothing.
One of our good friends, friends from church--friends who babysit our kids, their youngest daughter (aged 16) just returned from a 6 week holiday in South Africa. They are South African originally, only having immigrated her a few years ago. Like many people leaving South Africa (fleeing if you ask some of them) they moved here for a better life. They wanted to escape the violence and the racism. They are a white family, but their oldest daughter was being bullied at school and both of their girls faced with almost daily threats of rape or other violence in their community. Well, R, the youngest daughter has never really settled here and still talks of moving back when she is of age. This was her first trip home since they moved here.
This is a nice girl. She looks like my little sister with long curly blond hair. When she is here she is pretty tame. She doesn't "party" a lot. Her parents are very strict. There is drinking in her home, but I know they are very religious and believe in keeping a firm hand on the kids. R babysits for us a lot. In fact it was her Mum and older sister who babysat for us last week.
Anyway, I was just looking at R's holiday photos on FB. In almost every photo she is drinking, or smoking from a bong, or making obscene gestures--nothing like her friends are doing (they are acting much worse). That was bad enough. I was shocked. Then there are photos of their friend's parents--some of them are totally wasted, falling down drunk, making obscene gestures or worse. I just couldn't believe this is the same girl. Where is sweet little R who babysits for us? The one who was baptized last year. If her parents are as strict as they appear to be, why would they allow her to spend time in this environment? Why wouldn't she be afraid to make these photos public?
Then I thought--maybe it's all legal in South Africa. Umm...nope. Cannabis is illegal and so is drinking or purchasing alcohol under the age of 18. Unlike NZ where it is legal to drink under the age of 18, with a parents consent, just not to buy it (stupid law--by the way).
Now, my girl friend from Texas might be reading this and thinking --"nothing worse than you did as a kid." Partly true. But it just seems so much worse now. I was drunk maybe 4 times in all of high school and I had one boyfriend. I didn't get really out of control until I was in college (or college age). Even then I didn't do some of the things these kids are doing now and on a regular basis. But I always knew where my parents' boundaries were. Do you know what I mean? I just didn't always observe those boundaries.
When we were youth pastors we were shocked to discover that most parents think they have to be their kid's friends in order to have a relationship with them. They are so afraid of losing their kids that they allow them to drink, do drugs, or have sex in their own homes--even with drugs or alcohol they provide. The parents party with them. That's what was happening in South Africa in these photos.
Why is that okay? It's not. I don't believe that it is even what kids want. I think kids want boundaries. They want parents and not just older play mates. And if they are doing all of this partying at 15 or 16--all of this sex--what does that leave them for the rest of their life? How much baggage can one human being carry around? What kind of damage is being done? It's scary to me. Especially, that it seems to be just as big a problem with the "Christian" kids as the non-Christian ones.
What ever happened to just being a parent and trying to set a good example? Yea, I have a past, but I hope my kids learn from my mistakes and don't repeat them. I hope I can teach them that popularity is not the prize that they think it is. Self-respect and a desire to live a Christ like life are the great rewards. Not to mention being able to live a life without all of the physical, mental, and emotional trauma that comes along with many of the choices these kids are making (with parental approval) at such young ages. It's just so very sad!
One of our good friends, friends from church--friends who babysit our kids, their youngest daughter (aged 16) just returned from a 6 week holiday in South Africa. They are South African originally, only having immigrated her a few years ago. Like many people leaving South Africa (fleeing if you ask some of them) they moved here for a better life. They wanted to escape the violence and the racism. They are a white family, but their oldest daughter was being bullied at school and both of their girls faced with almost daily threats of rape or other violence in their community. Well, R, the youngest daughter has never really settled here and still talks of moving back when she is of age. This was her first trip home since they moved here.
This is a nice girl. She looks like my little sister with long curly blond hair. When she is here she is pretty tame. She doesn't "party" a lot. Her parents are very strict. There is drinking in her home, but I know they are very religious and believe in keeping a firm hand on the kids. R babysits for us a lot. In fact it was her Mum and older sister who babysat for us last week.
Anyway, I was just looking at R's holiday photos on FB. In almost every photo she is drinking, or smoking from a bong, or making obscene gestures--nothing like her friends are doing (they are acting much worse). That was bad enough. I was shocked. Then there are photos of their friend's parents--some of them are totally wasted, falling down drunk, making obscene gestures or worse. I just couldn't believe this is the same girl. Where is sweet little R who babysits for us? The one who was baptized last year. If her parents are as strict as they appear to be, why would they allow her to spend time in this environment? Why wouldn't she be afraid to make these photos public?
Then I thought--maybe it's all legal in South Africa. Umm...nope. Cannabis is illegal and so is drinking or purchasing alcohol under the age of 18. Unlike NZ where it is legal to drink under the age of 18, with a parents consent, just not to buy it (stupid law--by the way).
Now, my girl friend from Texas might be reading this and thinking --"nothing worse than you did as a kid." Partly true. But it just seems so much worse now. I was drunk maybe 4 times in all of high school and I had one boyfriend. I didn't get really out of control until I was in college (or college age). Even then I didn't do some of the things these kids are doing now and on a regular basis. But I always knew where my parents' boundaries were. Do you know what I mean? I just didn't always observe those boundaries.
When we were youth pastors we were shocked to discover that most parents think they have to be their kid's friends in order to have a relationship with them. They are so afraid of losing their kids that they allow them to drink, do drugs, or have sex in their own homes--even with drugs or alcohol they provide. The parents party with them. That's what was happening in South Africa in these photos.
Why is that okay? It's not. I don't believe that it is even what kids want. I think kids want boundaries. They want parents and not just older play mates. And if they are doing all of this partying at 15 or 16--all of this sex--what does that leave them for the rest of their life? How much baggage can one human being carry around? What kind of damage is being done? It's scary to me. Especially, that it seems to be just as big a problem with the "Christian" kids as the non-Christian ones.
What ever happened to just being a parent and trying to set a good example? Yea, I have a past, but I hope my kids learn from my mistakes and don't repeat them. I hope I can teach them that popularity is not the prize that they think it is. Self-respect and a desire to live a Christ like life are the great rewards. Not to mention being able to live a life without all of the physical, mental, and emotional trauma that comes along with many of the choices these kids are making (with parental approval) at such young ages. It's just so very sad!
Bonnie: My niece on dearest's side friended me on Facebook ~ & now I'm reeling. The drinking, the promiscus sex, the virtual sex & virtual gang violence she & her friends are posting does my head in. Her only excuse is she has had no teaching. No~one in her family is a believer even of the most liberal sort so she is behaving exactly as her nature dictates. Scary.
ReplyDeleteIf she's going to do that she should at least get a pseudonym!!
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