It's only a number?!

So, what's with birthdays that cause us to think about where we have been and where we are going? Now that the dreaded birthday has actually come and gone (can we say one more year closer to 40?) I actually feel okay. I am sort of surprised by that. I think I expected to feel older, old even.

Since I have had a few hours to calm down, relax, and settle back into life as I know it--I have been thinking about starting a new blog again. Not a write about my life blog, but a spiritual/devotional/seeking/Christian woman type blog. Maybe its because I have more time and space in my brain since ladies' camp is over (it went really well by the way), or maybe its because I am older and seeking a purpose to life beyond motherhood. Who knows? I am really mulling it over, even considering having a professional build me a website. We'll see.

All of this has lead me to think about my "family." Had a great visit with my mother. Yes, there were several moments of us driving each other crazy. But I think we remain grateful for the relationship that we have. It is something that she doesn't share with my siblings. It also gave me some insight (possibly) into my siblings' relationship with her.

I was looking through FB last night and came across one of my sister's profiles. I was looking at her albums and I realized that I don't even know her. Her life is totally foreign to me. As foreign as I am sure my life is to her. I was looking at her friends and thought--I bet they don't even know I exist. I bet they don't know that my sister has a bi-racial, adopted, niece and nephew.

Then I got sort of sad, although not surprised, that I didn't even get a card from either sister or my brother this year--for my birthday, last week. No phone call. Not even a message on FB. Usually that would make me really sad. I have a whole card mission and I try to send them out every month, even if I am running late. It is important to me to keep in touch, on whatever superficial level I am allowed to interact with my sibs. What I realize with each passing year is that I am not so important to them--especially my one sister.

Over the years I have been tempted to just say out loud to her--you know, let's just stop pretending to be sisters. But then I think why stir the pot? What I discovered the other day, while looking at her FB profile, is--I don't really care if she knows me or not. Is that sad?

At what point do we just move on, grow into our own person-hood and cease to be affected by others? Even others who are part of our own family? Maybe I am finally growing a thick skin or just learning to love who I am in Christ, in my family, in my church, etc. That would be nice. That is what I would like to learn to focus on.

Enough pondering this morning. I am so happy to be home. I have so much housework to do. The kids are attempting to settle back into normal life. Smells like dog pee in the hallway--I think if that dog is going to get potty trained it will be up to me. DH is totally irresponsible. So, life goes on. Who has time to worry about stupid things like birthday cards?

I just hope that our little family will remain closer than my family of origin. I hope and pray that our children grow up to love each other and to love us in a way that sustains us as a family. That is my goal.

Proof of Productivity

One of the shelves that I painted,
with her special things on it.

The other shelf I painted and hung up,
with his special things on it.
The brown bear was from his foster parents
(a lovely Christian family) who had him the
first 6 weeks of his life. The Koala was DH's.

The now organized closet.
Every piece of clothing they have and every pair of shoes
are all put away nicely!

The drawers/changing table wall.
Notice the drawers are safety proof--
if not Cupcake empties them and then climbs on top!

You can hardly see the "I"
When I painted those their walls were yellow.
Oh well.

Bubba's bed/wall

Cupcake's wall

Her big girl bed

Their cleaned and decorated room!

List Mania

I am making lists all over the place. I feel a bit like Kate Gosselin. It's so hard to get things done without feeling like I am totally neglecting the kids. I'm sure that is nothing new. The reality is sometimes we have to take time to make sure things are done even if it means we don't play playdough or colour that day. Believe me--I would rather being colouring!

Here is my list of things to do before Sunday morning (it is Thursday afternoon here):

Shampoo all rugs including carpet in garagae
Clean Living room windows inside and out
Clean out fridge
Wipe down fronts of all cabinets, stove, dishwasher, and fridge
Clean both showers and tub
Clean toilets
Sweep and mop all floors
Wipe down walls—hallway, kids’ room, dining room, lounge, guest room
Move computer to dining room
Clean-up deck
Finishing putting stuff under the house
Get rid of garage sale stuff
Clean out car and vacuum
Pack for trip
Clean out garage (again), organize toys, finish and put away all laundry
Move bed and clean-up guest room, move shelves into guest room
Set-up Granny friendly area in the garage
Clean out kid’s closet, sort clothes, do something about drawersClean-up guest room closet
Clean-up our room and bath room
Finish all laundry and put it awayCheck on limit increase for BNZ
Get cash for tricycle (we bought a used push-tric we are picking up Sunday in Auckland)
Menu plan and groceries

The things marked in blue are done. The rest are works in progress. Yesterday I painted two long shelf kits, put them together, and hung them up in the kids' room. Now all of the decor is done in their room. That's nice. DH will move the computer for me later today. I pretend not to know how to do those things, that way he has to do them for me. I know--I shouldn't do it, but I finally learned that batting one's eyes and saying "Honey..." is often easier than doing it yourself.

This week has been crazy. I think the kids must know something is up. They have both been up every night this week in the middle of the night. That is very strange for us, they are such good sleepers. I guess they are excited about Granny coming and don't realize that Monday is still a few days away. Oh well. Bubba got stung by a wasp yesterday and his little hand is still swollen. He has a horrible runny nose. Cupcake has a bad cough and woke-up from her nap with a fever. Never a dull moment here!

Enough blogging. Time for work!

Fiddle-dee-dee Moment

I'm having a Scarlett O'Hara moment. You know, "fiddle-dee-dee, I can't think about that today, I'll think about that tomorrow." Too much to do, too little time.

My mother and her friend arrive from America a week from today. In fact, by this time next Monday we will all be safely back at home, probably taking a nap--which is where I'd like to be right now. Instead I am blogging so I don't think about the million things I have to do before we leave on Sunday.

The house is an absolute wreck. Between Bubba and myself someone has been seriously sick here for the last month, which means very little has been done. The sofas need a clean. The rugs need a shampoo (thanks to the puppy). There is tons of laundry to be done and sorted and put away--some new hand-me-owns sent from America (friends and family--yay for hand-me-downs). The garage/play room needs to be cleaned. I have to move a guest bed back out there so that Mom and her friend have separate rooms. Mom likes a little privacy. Time to get the heaters out and put the fans away. Need to drag the outside table and umbrella under the house as well. Clean the bedrooms, re-organize the pantry. Why am I the only one who puts things back where they belong? I would really love to spray down the outside of the house too, at least get rid of cobwebs again. We still haven't had the exterminator come yet. I am hopeful this is the week. Wash windows, inside and out, clean the fridge and wipe down all the cabinets. Clean the showers, clean the tub, mop the floors (like only Momma can), organize some meals, and clean out the car.

What else? I hope to get my hair trimmed and highlighted this week. Haven't done a thing to it since October. I am not a big fan of getting it done, but I want it to look nice. We'll see.

Back on my diet today. So far, so good. It's not really a "diet." We eat normal stuff, just in controlled portions and count our calories. I have to. I have gained 30 lbs back from the 60 lbs I had lost. I am starting to feel it everywhere. I can even feel my asthma returning.

Tonight is L&M's memorial service for their baby, Angeline. It was a little girl. They thought it was a boy, before she was born. DH is doing the service. I won't be able to go. Our regular sitter is out of town and somehow I don't think its appropriate to take a 1.5 year old and 2.5 year old to a somber service. I hate that. The thing with church events is that everyone we know, who would baby-sit, will be there. Oh well. I can pray for them from here I guess.

Since yesterday I've really been upset by this case in TN, where the adoptive mother sent her troubled adopted son back to Russia. I am sure you have seen it on the news. It just sickens me. I am very sure that they were overwhelmed and afraid of the behavior he exhibited, but it doesn't sound as if they did all they could. They have admitted that they hadn't even consulted a psychologist for help. Instead the felt lied to by the orphanage in Russia and so just put him on a plane and sent him back.

As an adoptive parent, I cannot even believe that they didn't discuss this with their social worker. They didn't go through the proper channels. They didn't get this boy help--serious help. And her actions have caused a serious rift with Russia over adoptions--not to mention stirred all of the MANY anti-adoption advocates. This situation implies that adopted children are not forever children. It makes me so angry.

Adoption is such a long process. You have so much time to consider the actions you are taking. There is so much training done (when it is done right, I suppose). You can't prepare for every situation or emotion in advance, but you should be able to make an informed decision about parenting and what you are capable of handling. This poor boy and his troubles may only be compounded now because of this family's actions and many other children in Russia who might have been adopted into families in America will now be denied that option. Sad, just so sad to me.

So, instead of cleaning, doing laundry, or emailing our adoption advocacy group in NZ--I am just sitting here saying "fiddle-dee-dee, I can't think about this today. I will think about this tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day." I need a nap. I wonder how many calories in a block of dark chocolate?