I'm having a Scarlett O'Hara moment. You know, "fiddle-dee-dee, I can't think about that today, I'll think about that tomorrow." Too much to do, too little time.
My mother and her friend arrive from America a week from today. In fact, by this time next Monday we will all be safely back at home, probably taking a nap--which is where I'd like to be right now. Instead I am blogging so I don't think about the million things I have to do before we leave on Sunday.
The house is an absolute wreck. Between Bubba and myself someone has been seriously sick here for the last month, which means very little has been done. The sofas need a clean. The rugs need a shampoo (thanks to the puppy). There is tons of laundry to be done and sorted and put away--some new hand-me-owns sent from America (friends and family--yay for hand-me-downs). The garage/play room needs to be cleaned. I have to move a guest bed back out there so that Mom and her friend have separate rooms. Mom likes a little privacy. Time to get the heaters out and put the fans away. Need to drag the outside table and umbrella under the house as well. Clean the bedrooms, re-organize the pantry. Why am I the only one who puts things back where they belong? I would really love to spray down the outside of the house too, at least get rid of cobwebs again. We still haven't had the exterminator come yet. I am hopeful this is the week. Wash windows, inside and out, clean the fridge and wipe down all the cabinets. Clean the showers, clean the tub, mop the floors (like only Momma can), organize some meals, and clean out the car.
What else? I hope to get my hair trimmed and highlighted this week. Haven't done a thing to it since October. I am not a big fan of getting it done, but I want it to look nice. We'll see.
Back on my diet today. So far, so good. It's not really a "diet." We eat normal stuff, just in controlled portions and count our calories. I have to. I have gained 30 lbs back from the 60 lbs I had lost. I am starting to feel it everywhere. I can even feel my asthma returning.
Tonight is L&M's memorial service for their baby, Angeline. It was a little girl. They thought it was a boy, before she was born. DH is doing the service. I won't be able to go. Our regular sitter is out of town and somehow I don't think its appropriate to take a 1.5 year old and 2.5 year old to a somber service. I hate that. The thing with church events is that everyone we know, who would baby-sit, will be there. Oh well. I can pray for them from here I guess.
Since yesterday I've really been upset by this case in TN, where the adoptive mother sent her troubled adopted son back to Russia. I am sure you have seen it on the news. It just sickens me. I am very sure that they were overwhelmed and afraid of the behavior he exhibited, but it doesn't sound as if they did all they could. They have admitted that they hadn't even consulted a psychologist for help. Instead the felt lied to by the orphanage in Russia and so just put him on a plane and sent him back.
As an adoptive parent, I cannot even believe that they didn't discuss this with their social worker. They didn't go through the proper channels. They didn't get this boy help--serious help. And her actions have caused a serious rift with Russia over adoptions--not to mention stirred all of the MANY anti-adoption advocates. This situation implies that adopted children are not forever children. It makes me so angry.
Adoption is such a long process. You have so much time to consider the actions you are taking. There is so much training done (when it is done right, I suppose). You can't prepare for every situation or emotion in advance, but you should be able to make an informed decision about parenting and what you are capable of handling. This poor boy and his troubles may only be compounded now because of this family's actions and many other children in Russia who might have been adopted into families in America will now be denied that option. Sad, just so sad to me.
So, instead of cleaning, doing laundry, or emailing our adoption advocacy group in NZ--I am just sitting here saying "fiddle-dee-dee, I can't think about this today. I will think about this tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day." I need a nap. I wonder how many calories in a block of dark chocolate?
My mother and her friend arrive from America a week from today. In fact, by this time next Monday we will all be safely back at home, probably taking a nap--which is where I'd like to be right now. Instead I am blogging so I don't think about the million things I have to do before we leave on Sunday.
The house is an absolute wreck. Between Bubba and myself someone has been seriously sick here for the last month, which means very little has been done. The sofas need a clean. The rugs need a shampoo (thanks to the puppy). There is tons of laundry to be done and sorted and put away--some new hand-me-owns sent from America (friends and family--yay for hand-me-downs). The garage/play room needs to be cleaned. I have to move a guest bed back out there so that Mom and her friend have separate rooms. Mom likes a little privacy. Time to get the heaters out and put the fans away. Need to drag the outside table and umbrella under the house as well. Clean the bedrooms, re-organize the pantry. Why am I the only one who puts things back where they belong? I would really love to spray down the outside of the house too, at least get rid of cobwebs again. We still haven't had the exterminator come yet. I am hopeful this is the week. Wash windows, inside and out, clean the fridge and wipe down all the cabinets. Clean the showers, clean the tub, mop the floors (like only Momma can), organize some meals, and clean out the car.
What else? I hope to get my hair trimmed and highlighted this week. Haven't done a thing to it since October. I am not a big fan of getting it done, but I want it to look nice. We'll see.
Back on my diet today. So far, so good. It's not really a "diet." We eat normal stuff, just in controlled portions and count our calories. I have to. I have gained 30 lbs back from the 60 lbs I had lost. I am starting to feel it everywhere. I can even feel my asthma returning.
Tonight is L&M's memorial service for their baby, Angeline. It was a little girl. They thought it was a boy, before she was born. DH is doing the service. I won't be able to go. Our regular sitter is out of town and somehow I don't think its appropriate to take a 1.5 year old and 2.5 year old to a somber service. I hate that. The thing with church events is that everyone we know, who would baby-sit, will be there. Oh well. I can pray for them from here I guess.
Since yesterday I've really been upset by this case in TN, where the adoptive mother sent her troubled adopted son back to Russia. I am sure you have seen it on the news. It just sickens me. I am very sure that they were overwhelmed and afraid of the behavior he exhibited, but it doesn't sound as if they did all they could. They have admitted that they hadn't even consulted a psychologist for help. Instead the felt lied to by the orphanage in Russia and so just put him on a plane and sent him back.
As an adoptive parent, I cannot even believe that they didn't discuss this with their social worker. They didn't go through the proper channels. They didn't get this boy help--serious help. And her actions have caused a serious rift with Russia over adoptions--not to mention stirred all of the MANY anti-adoption advocates. This situation implies that adopted children are not forever children. It makes me so angry.
Adoption is such a long process. You have so much time to consider the actions you are taking. There is so much training done (when it is done right, I suppose). You can't prepare for every situation or emotion in advance, but you should be able to make an informed decision about parenting and what you are capable of handling. This poor boy and his troubles may only be compounded now because of this family's actions and many other children in Russia who might have been adopted into families in America will now be denied that option. Sad, just so sad to me.
So, instead of cleaning, doing laundry, or emailing our adoption advocacy group in NZ--I am just sitting here saying "fiddle-dee-dee, I can't think about this today. I will think about this tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day." I need a nap. I wonder how many calories in a block of dark chocolate?
A little dark chocolate is good for you ~ one really high in cocoa butter.
ReplyDeleteThe adoptive thing with Russia just horrifies me. I've worked with street teens; pretty much seen it all. There is a reason for the behaviour ~ & now that poor kid has his problems compounded. Man!
Siiiigh.
ReplyDeleteI think the orphanage likely lied to the mom. I've heard horror stories from a family that actually WENT OVER THERE and came back without a child. They lost a lot of money, I think about $30,000, but later, they were glad they just left. It's a long and emotionally drawn out story, but the orphanage actually drugged one of the other parents of their group!
Not to mention, people aren't always able to make the most rational decisions, especially after they've spent $20,000 or $30,000 and a good long while waiting. Or they reason that the child is acting oddly because he's not used to them yet/ doesn't know the language.
How many people do you know who can just say "no" and walk away, and lose the money?
That being said, once you sign to adopt the child, the child is yours. Wouldn't the child be an American citizen at that point? Wouldn't the mom be criminally liable? Shouldn't she be?
But I don't doubt the story, and I don't doubt the kid had major problems. I think honestly the problem is that adoptive parents mostly want healthy white infants so that they can pass as a biological family to strangers, and that leaves kids like this to rot their childhoods away. God forbid biological moms die or lose custody after that cute baby stage. :(
Who is going to intentionally spend $30,000 to rescue an emotionally disturbed kid who will trash your house and make your life hard?
There. I said it. It's true, though... It's so sad, but I don't know that there really is any solution. I don't blame the Russian government, but I also know that there really wasn't much truth spoken at the orphanages. It makes sense that the orphanages want to unload the most troublesome kids first.
According to the story as I first read it (on Fox News, it's being broadcast everywhere here as well now) this is a 33 year old single mother (a nurse) who wanted to adopt an older child because she knows of their greater need. Even doing that in America, with a child who knows the culture and speaks the language, is difficult. It would take years of hard work, a self-less kind of love, and a lot of prayer. I know what kind of intensive training and education we had to go through to be approved to start the process of waiting for a child. I can't imagine that this woman was so naive or unaware that she really had no clue what she was getting in to. The family kept saying they thought "love would be enough." So that was it. He didn't change overnight (he only arrived in America in September) and respond to "love" from complete strangers. Apparently his adoption was not final, so he was not a citizen. He had not been issued a Tennessee birth certificate. Still the family most have known what they were doing (sending him back) was wrong, because they tried to keep it hidden. It's all just so wrong. I mean when is love alone ever enough to raise a child? They do grow--up beyond the cute baby stage and then what?
ReplyDeleteHere's a link:
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/04/10/law-murky-mom-returned-adopted-russian-boy/