Do men ever listen? Seriously. I'm asking, because I don't know. In my life time I don't think I have ever met a man in a relationship or a single man who has actually mastered the skill of listening.
My husband's brain runs about 20 miles a minute. He is always thinking ahead. Funny, though, he remains incapable of thinking about or seeing things that need to get done at home. But he can think about 20 miles a minute when it comes to work, his ideas and opinions, or oh yea--computer games. It's amazing.
I'm a good listener though. And I am supposed to listen every time he has a problem at work or a problem with school. But I am not supposed to give opinions or advice because he won't listen. I'm just supposed to absorb whatever he says and then go on about my life. Never mind how it makes me feel, if that what he has off loaded makes me worried or upsets me.
Some people would probably argue that this is my job. If so then I don't want it. I want a relationship in which I am listened to and heard. If I have to listen to problems and be concerned, then I want to be able to offer help and advice that is appreciated. Maybe even that the advice is implemented from time to time. When someone is trying to have a conversation with me, about something that involves me, and I try to explain my opinion or observations--I want them to be heard and valued. I don't want to be told I don't understand or just have the other person completely change the subject. Then get mad at me when I'm upset because he hasn't listened.
Yup. So over it. I'm all for marriage. And I am happy with DH about 75% of the time. But the other 25% of the time I wish he could live in his house and I could live in my house with the kids. Maybe then we could communicate with letters.
Sorry for the rant--its just so frustrating!
My husband's brain runs about 20 miles a minute. He is always thinking ahead. Funny, though, he remains incapable of thinking about or seeing things that need to get done at home. But he can think about 20 miles a minute when it comes to work, his ideas and opinions, or oh yea--computer games. It's amazing.
I'm a good listener though. And I am supposed to listen every time he has a problem at work or a problem with school. But I am not supposed to give opinions or advice because he won't listen. I'm just supposed to absorb whatever he says and then go on about my life. Never mind how it makes me feel, if that what he has off loaded makes me worried or upsets me.
Some people would probably argue that this is my job. If so then I don't want it. I want a relationship in which I am listened to and heard. If I have to listen to problems and be concerned, then I want to be able to offer help and advice that is appreciated. Maybe even that the advice is implemented from time to time. When someone is trying to have a conversation with me, about something that involves me, and I try to explain my opinion or observations--I want them to be heard and valued. I don't want to be told I don't understand or just have the other person completely change the subject. Then get mad at me when I'm upset because he hasn't listened.
Yup. So over it. I'm all for marriage. And I am happy with DH about 75% of the time. But the other 25% of the time I wish he could live in his house and I could live in my house with the kids. Maybe then we could communicate with letters.
Sorry for the rant--its just so frustrating!
Oh my--DH has now just admitted that co-worker/subordinate says that he never listens to him. Hmmm...thinking that maybe DH has a real listening problem. If he would listen I might encourage him to get some help.
ReplyDeletelol Bonnie. I think men *hear* differently. Recently I had a man rant because he *heard* disrespect in his wife's comments. I heard a lot of things ~ frustration at not being heard chief amongst them ~ but disrespect? No. I know my Dearest drives me wild. He listens to problem solve & it drives me bonkers. I want someone to empathise with how I feel not tell me what to do about it!!!! I think this is a perenial problem that's been round since Adam & Eve discussed the fruit on the Tree of Knowledge! ☺ They sure screwed that communication process. Sooner or later it does seem to dawn on the dimmest of minds, like mine, that we are communicating at cross~purposes. I guess the one with insight has to make the adjustments.
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