Getting ready to go to Chipmunks
Posing with Poppa
She's dressing herself these days
Now that I have been home for almost 2 weeks things are starting to feel normal again. I'm no longer craving the air conditioned luxury that is America. I am doing just fine in my sweat off a 1lb a day life in humid/wet North New Zealand. It's still raining, but at least it's a bit cooler.
Anyway, last week as I was adjusting once again to the endless questions of a 4 year old girl and the never ending energy of my boy--I began to think about my job. What is my job, really? A few of my blog friends have written recently about how they don't expect their husbands to help with housework because they work, etc. I have never really been one of those women. I have always expected DH to help. Maybe it's because my love language is Acts of Service or maybe it's because I was raised around a man who NEVER did anything. I don't know. DH does help, but I seem to be always disappointed and frustrated. It occurred to me last week that if I stopped expecting him to do anything to help--I would not be disappointed. Then (wait for it) it occurred to me that maybe it's my job and not his. [Part of my over educated/strong woman self feels as if I have just betrayed all woman kind with that statement.]
When I work for other people as an employee I have a very strong work ethic. I am always on time. I don't complain. I do an excellent job and I do it quickly. So why when I am working for my family, people who mean the most to me in the whole world, do I slack off and do less than my best most of the time? I don't know why, really. But I believe it is wrong.
I can't promise you how it will work out, but it has become my goal to think of my role as a wife and mother as my job. One in which I should always do my best. I intend to work harder at it and attempt to put my family first in what I do. My hope is that because I am an orderly person (melancholic--craves order!) working harder at maintaining order will eventually make me feel more relaxed and not over worked. Part of the trouble is I am married to my exact opposite who flies by the seat of his pants and has no concept of order (sanguine--hates routine!).
Anyway--that's my new goal. It's not so much that DH doesn't have to help because he works full time or because he's a man. Although I am utterly grateful for a husband who happily works 50+ hours a week and gives his family 100% of his income. It's because his job is to be a pastor and he spends his entire working life serving others, and it's because he is almost incapable of being orderly at home. So if I can help him and save myself disappointment by simply making this my job and owning it--then it is a win/win situation for everyone. Just talking about it makes me want to take a nap (ha!).
Other happenings:
Anyway, last week as I was adjusting once again to the endless questions of a 4 year old girl and the never ending energy of my boy--I began to think about my job. What is my job, really? A few of my blog friends have written recently about how they don't expect their husbands to help with housework because they work, etc. I have never really been one of those women. I have always expected DH to help. Maybe it's because my love language is Acts of Service or maybe it's because I was raised around a man who NEVER did anything. I don't know. DH does help, but I seem to be always disappointed and frustrated. It occurred to me last week that if I stopped expecting him to do anything to help--I would not be disappointed. Then (wait for it) it occurred to me that maybe it's my job and not his. [Part of my over educated/strong woman self feels as if I have just betrayed all woman kind with that statement.]
When I work for other people as an employee I have a very strong work ethic. I am always on time. I don't complain. I do an excellent job and I do it quickly. So why when I am working for my family, people who mean the most to me in the whole world, do I slack off and do less than my best most of the time? I don't know why, really. But I believe it is wrong.
I can't promise you how it will work out, but it has become my goal to think of my role as a wife and mother as my job. One in which I should always do my best. I intend to work harder at it and attempt to put my family first in what I do. My hope is that because I am an orderly person (melancholic--craves order!) working harder at maintaining order will eventually make me feel more relaxed and not over worked. Part of the trouble is I am married to my exact opposite who flies by the seat of his pants and has no concept of order (sanguine--hates routine!).
Anyway--that's my new goal. It's not so much that DH doesn't have to help because he works full time or because he's a man. Although I am utterly grateful for a husband who happily works 50+ hours a week and gives his family 100% of his income. It's because his job is to be a pastor and he spends his entire working life serving others, and it's because he is almost incapable of being orderly at home. So if I can help him and save myself disappointment by simply making this my job and owning it--then it is a win/win situation for everyone. Just talking about it makes me want to take a nap (ha!).
Other happenings:
- Martin has been moved to Stanford Medical Center in California, expecting a heart/lung transplant in 2-3 weeks. My oldest sister is with him.
- Still praying for his healing and the healing of his relationship with his immediate family, especially his wife Lisa. And still praying for a faith experience for them!
- Bubby has speech therapy tomorrow. He wore his robot ear for almost 3 hours straight yesterday. He is still a mess at church, but it looks like we will be getting a care support person.
- I am struggling a bit with hope that he will eventually be able to function independently in this world. I try not to think about it and hope for the best. His vocab is expanding, but his behaviour is very far from normal. Still waiting on our testing.
- Bubby has slept all night 3 nights in the past week. Woo-hoo!
- Still working on my home office. Hope to get it done this week.
- Have to do taxes for my counselling practice. UGH! Hoping I don't owe!
- Only 5 more weeks until my BFF is here and we are off to OZ for my "35th" birthday! :-)
Cupcake and Bubba are both growing by leaps and bounds on their own timetable.
ReplyDeleteOn your DH... you do have to find what is most comfortable for you both. I get the idea that he works and shouldn't do AS MUCH around the house as you if you don't have a full-time job... but as you said that doesn't mean he should do nothing. :)
What is a care support person? Because I think those are probably suuuper rare here and you are blessed you moved to NZ when you did. Seriously.
In my house ... although I am home all day long... my Stew helps with the housework too. He knows how tedious it is to have to constantly clean up after other people ALL DAY EVERY DAY... so he does lots to help me. I love him for that so much.
ReplyDeleteHe has a hugely stressful job too.
your gorgeous kids are just that, GORGEOUS!
And I feel sure that your wee man will grow up and be just fine. We used to worry about how Griffin would manage , but he is getting so much better with age!
HEM--I agree with you in principle. And I think DH does too. He tries to help. Bless him. AND--you aren't kidding? I thank God all the time that we moved to NZ when we did--Bubby was just 4 months old. There is more here in the way of a little bit of financial help, but less options (where we live) for practical help. I'm sure in the big city we could find a special pre-school, etc. Anyway, a care support person is a care giver the government will fund for Bubby. It will likely only be a few hours a week, but will mean I have options on Sundays. If he's having a bad day--he can stay home with his care giver. If he's having a good day then the caregiver comes with us to church. Did you know that church is a culural experience?
ReplyDeleteChris--Thank you for that. It's good to know that other husbands out there with stressful jobs help and don't feel put out. DH does help and maybe we will someday reach a happy medium. Thank you too for the encouraging words about Bubby. We are stll hopeful--it just depends on the kind of day/week we are having. ;-)