The funny thing about me is I really struggle with an anger problem. For so many years of my life (at least 30 years) I was nice, quiet, sweet Bonnie. I was a doormat. I was a battered wife, etc.
At some point in my healing process from that first marriage I decided that I would never again feel misunderstod, taken advantage of, mistreated, etc. The result (7 years later) is that I sometimes fly off the handle. I sometimes react to small things in a BIG way. I often can't let things go.
And I HATE it!
I love my husband and my children so much that I just want them to be happy, to feel loved, and to know every minute of every day how much they are loved. I want the house to always be clean and to smell of freshly baked cookies. I want pamper DH and the kids.
Let's face it--it doesn't always happen that way. I am okay with that, because I don't want to "spoil" them. I don't want to do so much for everyone else that I am taken for granted. So I work, constantly, to find a happy balance. And I ask DH to help me by not aggravating me on purpose--he is learning, bless his heart. I also pray, constantly, that I will have peace and grace for my family (and others). I'm a work in progress.
Tonight I was reading a blog, that I had never seen before, about a woman who lost her husband last year. It was so sad, so very sad. One second they were in love and everything was fine--the next minute he was gone. After I got through crying, I thought I have to work harder at enjoying every minute with my loved ones--even the ones that aggravate me. I want to exist on nothing but their love and love of them. I hope that I can model Christ's love for them and love them with a love that only comes from God. This is my prayer.
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