So, it's 3:30 am and I have been up for an hour. I have the big eye, as my mother used to call it. Meaning awake in the middle of the night for no reason. It seems to happen quite frequently lately. There are lots of reasons I am awake tonight:
Been a bit stressed lately. Mostly because DH and I seem to be drifting at the moment. We still love each other and there is no danger of losing that. We just seem to be disappointing each other. Which makes me very sad and puts a big wedge in between us. I've been disappointed because some of his living in a bubble behaviour is back. He's been disappointed because I've been such a gritch, because I hate to feel invisible.
I am beginning to wonder if I am just too demanding and too selfish in my need to be acknowledged. I mean, what stay at home Mom ever gets acknowledged like they should?
Also, slightly worried about money. Not because we don't have enough to get by. We do. I am worried because we don't seem to be able to save much. Had one of those moments this week where I freaked a little bit about that. You know the what if thing. Need to stop that, because my faith is in God not in things of this world. Just a little bit worried too because DH misses a lot of work when the kids are sick and/or I am sick, because there is no one else here. I think I am a wimp and I need to get tough. It's not like he can't work from home, but I think he needs to work more at the office.
Part of the problem is that we live out of town and share one car. So if I need to run someone into the doctor he has to come home to get us. But we live right next to a bus stop and he keeps offering to take the bus, so I think I will let him. I felt bad before about making the bread winner ride the bus, but I keep hearing my mother's voice in my head saying "if he wants to take the bus, let him." I think that will help a lot.
I just want to find my peace again. Hard to do this week. Bubba is quite sick with his ear infection and chesty cold. Took him back to the doctor yesterday because he is still running a fever and having a hard time breathing at night. He was up 5 times last night. They gave him steroids for babies on top of his antibiotics. That seems to have done the trick, because he has slept all night tonight. Then, as I was laying down this afternoon (watching that stupid movie) and DH was watching Cupcake, he skipped a does of Tylenol and she spiked a fever right after I got up. Which meant a febrile convulsion. Her temp was 39.6 C or 103.2 F when I took it immediately after the convulsion. I gave her a double of Tylenol and a Valium suppository and off we went to the hospital. She was fine when they checked her out, just a little post nasal drip and cough. They didn't keep her overnight this time. Seems we are getting to be experts in these things.
Nothing else to report. Hoping I can get back to sleep.
- The kids have been waking up in the middle of the night for weeks now (especially Bubba and especially since being sick).
- I am sick and my back hurts.
- I watched a stupid scary movie today and it is replaying in my head.
- I ate onions right before bed time and have indigestion.
- There is lots I need to be praying for.
Been a bit stressed lately. Mostly because DH and I seem to be drifting at the moment. We still love each other and there is no danger of losing that. We just seem to be disappointing each other. Which makes me very sad and puts a big wedge in between us. I've been disappointed because some of his living in a bubble behaviour is back. He's been disappointed because I've been such a gritch, because I hate to feel invisible.
I am beginning to wonder if I am just too demanding and too selfish in my need to be acknowledged. I mean, what stay at home Mom ever gets acknowledged like they should?
Also, slightly worried about money. Not because we don't have enough to get by. We do. I am worried because we don't seem to be able to save much. Had one of those moments this week where I freaked a little bit about that. You know the what if thing. Need to stop that, because my faith is in God not in things of this world. Just a little bit worried too because DH misses a lot of work when the kids are sick and/or I am sick, because there is no one else here. I think I am a wimp and I need to get tough. It's not like he can't work from home, but I think he needs to work more at the office.
Part of the problem is that we live out of town and share one car. So if I need to run someone into the doctor he has to come home to get us. But we live right next to a bus stop and he keeps offering to take the bus, so I think I will let him. I felt bad before about making the bread winner ride the bus, but I keep hearing my mother's voice in my head saying "if he wants to take the bus, let him." I think that will help a lot.
I just want to find my peace again. Hard to do this week. Bubba is quite sick with his ear infection and chesty cold. Took him back to the doctor yesterday because he is still running a fever and having a hard time breathing at night. He was up 5 times last night. They gave him steroids for babies on top of his antibiotics. That seems to have done the trick, because he has slept all night tonight. Then, as I was laying down this afternoon (watching that stupid movie) and DH was watching Cupcake, he skipped a does of Tylenol and she spiked a fever right after I got up. Which meant a febrile convulsion. Her temp was 39.6 C or 103.2 F when I took it immediately after the convulsion. I gave her a double of Tylenol and a Valium suppository and off we went to the hospital. She was fine when they checked her out, just a little post nasal drip and cough. They didn't keep her overnight this time. Seems we are getting to be experts in these things.
Nothing else to report. Hoping I can get back to sleep.
It is so hard not to worry. I'm chronic once I get going. Best not to start. We're told not to do it. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteScary movies are a no, no in this house. They give me terrible nightmares. My in~laws think I'm hysterical. I won't even stay in the same room with one but I know they are not for me. I don't find them funny & they are really, really bad for my head space.
Marriage is about 2 people rubbing the sharp edges of each other. Just gotta keep practising that ol' love & self denial thing until we get it right. Still practising here.