Okay, time for honesty. I am just not very food at starting new friendships. In fact I really suck at it. There is this new woman at church who is from Canada, so we have that North American thing in common. She is lovely and took a huge liking to me at Ladies Camp. She says she is praying for me daily and that is so nice. We have tried to connect but between kids being sick, me being sick, and life in general we haven't been able to do that. She has come over twice with food for us when we were sick and I have been napping both times.
She is one of those very social people. Since moving here six months she has joined EVERY group under the sun. She volunteers with the women immigrants group and more. Anyone who knows me very well knows that I hate groups like that. They are fine for others and I am sure serve a valuable purpose, but I don't have any interest in joining. I don't really have time and frankly, I am usually pretty happy on my own or with my family. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
I do have a lot of friends. And have made really good friends at other churches we have served. They will be life-long friends. But most of my friends are the kind of people who are just SUPER EASY to get along with and to please. We share instant bonds. There isn't a lot of super needy stuff. I rarely feel like I have to do certain things to please them, but I often want to do special things for them. Does that make sense?
Well, I finally reached out to this woman and asked her to be in an accountability group with me. I told her I would ask another friend from church. We meant to talk about it week before last, but then everyone here got sick again. The other lady is interested (I really like this woman--my age--from Scotland and SO EASY to get along with--she isn't needy!) and can meet on Wednesday. So I emailed (my favourite form of communication) S (the Canadian) last week about meeting with E and me on Wednesday. She never answered. This hasn't happened before, but I thought maybe she was away. I saw S at church this morning looking a little bit morose and she said "we need to talk..." Nothing more.
See, she is already being almost needier than I can handle. So I called her tonight. She didn't want to talk on the phone. I asked her about Wed. She wants to meet with me here tomorrow afternoon during my dinner prep time so that we can just "curl up on the couch and talk." Good Lord! All of this so she can answer me about Weds and the accountability group. Meanwhile I can't get back to E.
What's wrong with me? Am I just too reclusive and weird? I love this woman, S. She is sweet and kind and caring, but I'm not sure I am ready for a best friend. I have a best friend, she lives in Texas. Between her, my Mom, my husband, my kids and my other friends--I stay pretty full up. What I needed here was a buddy I could call when I was down and wanted to go to the movies--not one more thing that is going to suck the life out of me. Okay, I said it. I am terrible. I thought of the whole accountability group thing, because I thought if I gave her this intimate part of my life she would be satisfied. Maybe she will be. I'll just have to wait and see.
It is so painful to try and be something you aren't. I just wonder if maybe I need to learn how to be more for more people. Maybe I am too much like my Dad (extreme introvert) and not enough like my Mom (extreme extrovert) and I am just being stupid and selfish. Maybe its something deeper like me not wanting to be vulnerable to people. Who knows.
She is one of those very social people. Since moving here six months she has joined EVERY group under the sun. She volunteers with the women immigrants group and more. Anyone who knows me very well knows that I hate groups like that. They are fine for others and I am sure serve a valuable purpose, but I don't have any interest in joining. I don't really have time and frankly, I am usually pretty happy on my own or with my family. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
I do have a lot of friends. And have made really good friends at other churches we have served. They will be life-long friends. But most of my friends are the kind of people who are just SUPER EASY to get along with and to please. We share instant bonds. There isn't a lot of super needy stuff. I rarely feel like I have to do certain things to please them, but I often want to do special things for them. Does that make sense?
Well, I finally reached out to this woman and asked her to be in an accountability group with me. I told her I would ask another friend from church. We meant to talk about it week before last, but then everyone here got sick again. The other lady is interested (I really like this woman--my age--from Scotland and SO EASY to get along with--she isn't needy!) and can meet on Wednesday. So I emailed (my favourite form of communication) S (the Canadian) last week about meeting with E and me on Wednesday. She never answered. This hasn't happened before, but I thought maybe she was away. I saw S at church this morning looking a little bit morose and she said "we need to talk..." Nothing more.
See, she is already being almost needier than I can handle. So I called her tonight. She didn't want to talk on the phone. I asked her about Wed. She wants to meet with me here tomorrow afternoon during my dinner prep time so that we can just "curl up on the couch and talk." Good Lord! All of this so she can answer me about Weds and the accountability group. Meanwhile I can't get back to E.
What's wrong with me? Am I just too reclusive and weird? I love this woman, S. She is sweet and kind and caring, but I'm not sure I am ready for a best friend. I have a best friend, she lives in Texas. Between her, my Mom, my husband, my kids and my other friends--I stay pretty full up. What I needed here was a buddy I could call when I was down and wanted to go to the movies--not one more thing that is going to suck the life out of me. Okay, I said it. I am terrible. I thought of the whole accountability group thing, because I thought if I gave her this intimate part of my life she would be satisfied. Maybe she will be. I'll just have to wait and see.
It is so painful to try and be something you aren't. I just wonder if maybe I need to learn how to be more for more people. Maybe I am too much like my Dad (extreme introvert) and not enough like my Mom (extreme extrovert) and I am just being stupid and selfish. Maybe its something deeper like me not wanting to be vulnerable to people. Who knows.
As an extreme introvert with extrovert overtones [ex drama student] I now mostly have internet friendships. They are easier to handle ~ especially on a bad day when I can't seem to function socially at all & allow me to have friends with similar interests ~ something almost impossible in my *very small* community. Dunno what to say really. I'm bad at making friends but once the initial stuff's sorted out I'm very loyal ~ I think. Besides I have my girls & prefer their company over just about anybody elses.
ReplyDeleteShe might be *very* needy right now and have a very difficult time. BUT you've seen in the past she is also a "reaching out" sort of person.
ReplyDeleteIt may be that God has sent you across her path and that she needs you. Get back to your friend and let her know what is going on.
Or... hmm... she doesn't like E and doesn't want to tell you in front of her husband for some reason. Or... well... hang in there and prepare yourself for whatever she needs to tell you. Should be SOMETHING, right? Hopefully there will be a balanced friendship there, but like I said, she might just be a NORMAL person going through a HARD time. :)