It's been a really long day today. The seem to come out of the blue, don't they? Those days when you don't have anything in particular planned, but all of this life happens and it becomes one of the longest days of your life. That was my life today.
I struggle back and forth over being concerned about Bubba's needs, personality, disorder (?), etc. I bought the recommended books for "drug babies" and I am reading them--already trying to convince myself that he either has no symptoms or is on the low end of the scale. I get offended when people like S come in and try to tell me they know he is different, especially when like her they have spent little time around him. Then we have days like today.
Today he pulled the egg tray out of the fridge and broke several eggs and spent a good deal of time licking his hands, before I realized what was happening. He climbed all over the furniture (backs of couches, up on book cases, spider crawled up the wall between his Dad's chair and the book case). It took him an hour to settle down for his nap. And he has been jumping in his crib, kicking the walls for thirty minutes now at bedtime--after a bath and a story, our normal routine. After a while his behavior rubs off on Cupcake and makes her crazy too.
All of this makes me think ADHD--drug related personality/developmental problems--blah, blah, blah. Then I think of the other side of the story--it has either been raining or someone has been sick for about two months now, so we can't play outside on the deck or even go for a walk. There have been limited trips to the park. With Daddy taking the car to work we can't even go to the store and walk around. Today I was very busy with laundry and stuff, so there wasn't a lot of Mommy and kids time. Maybe he's not hyper, maybe he is just bored and 2. He isn't even 25 months yet. So wish we had our fence built, so then we could play outside on the pretty days.
Then I think of this...there is virtually no way to discipline him. Time out is only effective about 30% of the time and even then only for a very brief time. He never seems to learn not to do something (like touch the tv--meaning turn it off/on, push it around, spit his juice on it, put all his trucks behind it), open the fridge and get things out, take all the cushions off the couch and jump off, climb on things and jump off, etc. If he willfully disobeys (according to Dr. Dobson and the Strong Willed Child)--meaning looks right at me, after being warned, and does what he isn't supposed to do--then he gets a smack on the leg. This doesn't work either. What I have found is that remaining perfectly calm and talking to him works the best, but he still doesn't retain the learning and it is very hard to do on days like today.
I am exhausted. I worry constantly about if I am doing the right things. What else could I do? Would he be better off in day care? Would I be better off? Am I stupid to think I can actually home school these kids? If I do more activities with them, what do I do? How do I do that and do anything else? Am I over committed again with too many things going on that distract me from them?
It's all just so tiring. I can handle most of it, most of the time. I just want to know that I am doing enough--or that I can do more. I want the best for them. I want them to grow up to be happy and healthy. I want them to have happy memories of Mommy--not of Mommy constantly being frustrated with them.
Feels like I need a giant Strawberry Daiquiri and the ability to sleep for a week. At least some chocolate--that would be nice.
I struggle back and forth over being concerned about Bubba's needs, personality, disorder (?), etc. I bought the recommended books for "drug babies" and I am reading them--already trying to convince myself that he either has no symptoms or is on the low end of the scale. I get offended when people like S come in and try to tell me they know he is different, especially when like her they have spent little time around him. Then we have days like today.
Today he pulled the egg tray out of the fridge and broke several eggs and spent a good deal of time licking his hands, before I realized what was happening. He climbed all over the furniture (backs of couches, up on book cases, spider crawled up the wall between his Dad's chair and the book case). It took him an hour to settle down for his nap. And he has been jumping in his crib, kicking the walls for thirty minutes now at bedtime--after a bath and a story, our normal routine. After a while his behavior rubs off on Cupcake and makes her crazy too.
All of this makes me think ADHD--drug related personality/developmental problems--blah, blah, blah. Then I think of the other side of the story--it has either been raining or someone has been sick for about two months now, so we can't play outside on the deck or even go for a walk. There have been limited trips to the park. With Daddy taking the car to work we can't even go to the store and walk around. Today I was very busy with laundry and stuff, so there wasn't a lot of Mommy and kids time. Maybe he's not hyper, maybe he is just bored and 2. He isn't even 25 months yet. So wish we had our fence built, so then we could play outside on the pretty days.
Then I think of this...there is virtually no way to discipline him. Time out is only effective about 30% of the time and even then only for a very brief time. He never seems to learn not to do something (like touch the tv--meaning turn it off/on, push it around, spit his juice on it, put all his trucks behind it), open the fridge and get things out, take all the cushions off the couch and jump off, climb on things and jump off, etc. If he willfully disobeys (according to Dr. Dobson and the Strong Willed Child)--meaning looks right at me, after being warned, and does what he isn't supposed to do--then he gets a smack on the leg. This doesn't work either. What I have found is that remaining perfectly calm and talking to him works the best, but he still doesn't retain the learning and it is very hard to do on days like today.
I am exhausted. I worry constantly about if I am doing the right things. What else could I do? Would he be better off in day care? Would I be better off? Am I stupid to think I can actually home school these kids? If I do more activities with them, what do I do? How do I do that and do anything else? Am I over committed again with too many things going on that distract me from them?
It's all just so tiring. I can handle most of it, most of the time. I just want to know that I am doing enough--or that I can do more. I want the best for them. I want them to grow up to be happy and healthy. I want them to have happy memories of Mommy--not of Mommy constantly being frustrated with them.
Feels like I need a giant Strawberry Daiquiri and the ability to sleep for a week. At least some chocolate--that would be nice.
I might post a picture schedule or tell him what comes up next. He may be feeling anxious about his schedule and feel uncertain about things. That deliberate constant testing may be his way of MAKING something come up "next" if you know what I mean. It's negative attention, but it sure solves the uncertainty. :)
ReplyDeleteI have never met your son, so I don't ever want to presume. He may in fact have the "drug baby" symptoms. But he also might just be an anxious person, or have an earache/cabin fever. Yk, when Elfie was on asthma drugs he was a bit rambunctious as well; does Bubba take any?
Cupcake sounds like she has calmed down a lot in these last few months. You know that if one child is doing well and another not that it likely isn't your parenting.
God bless you, Bonnie. Throwing ideas out (again, since I've never met li'l Bubba) and hoping you see that God does empower you. I know it sounds corny, but I think each day He is teaching you something new about your children.