Here is a small update on the baby situation. The birth mother is 14 years old, Hispanic, and lives with her grandmother. She is realizing how difficult being a Mum is and is considering adoption. It is the Labor Day weekend in America, so my sister expects to hear more tomorrow.
We still don't know the ins and outs about dealing with the Hague Convention, but we are hoping since I am American citizen and the fact that this would be a purely private adoption (the birth mother choosing us to adopt her child)--that it just might work. We have emailed our adoption attorney in Texas. Of course, we won't hear from her until tomorrow at the earliest.
Yesterday I was ready to believe there was no way this could happen. And I spend most of yesterday thinking of a girlfriend in Texas who has one adopted child and wondering if she would like to adopt this baby. Today I am feeling like it might be a possibility. But I am remain determined that if nothing comes of this--I will not be devastated as in past failed attempts.
DH and I did have a good laugh this morning about how every time we have gotten rid of all of our baby stuff--we got a baby. Before Cupcake, after our first failed adoption, I got rid of every piece of baby girl clothes I had collected. I would have sold the crib too if DH had let me. Then in 3 months we had Cupcake. After the two failed adoptions the next year--I took back every piece of baby boy stuff--and we got the call about Bubba. I literally had nothing for him to wear and no place for him to sleep.
We have just gotten rid of every stitch of baby stuff we had. Maybe that was the problem with our failed adoption in January--I was collecting stuff and not giving it away. ;-)
Clara, a new reader from OZ, was asking some questions about our adoptions--so this next bit is just for her.
I am an American, married to a Kiwi, currently living in NZ. We have been here almost 2 years now. Before that we lived in America for 5 years. After years of infertility we started the adoption process in 2006. It seemed impossible! It was, really. We had no money for adoption--we were youth pastors. The wait list was a minimum of 2 years--that's what they told people. And this was with no conditions on it--meaning we were interested in any baby, no matter the race, or the birth circumstances, or even special needs. We just wanted to be a family. My husband is adopted and we believe in all of the good that adoption does.
Well, we were matched within 4 months with a birth mother. But that adoption failed at literally the last minute. She went to a homeless shelter with her new born and lost her to the state. We felt like our baby had died. We were devastated. But we were matched again within 2 weeks. Our baby girl was born in August of 2007. We were present when she was born and roomed in with her at the hospital. It was a miracle!
Just as we decided to move to NZ we got the call that her birth mother was expecting again. So, we started it all again. For these two adoptions we raised over $40,000 in less than two years through donations from friends, scholarships, grants, and all of our savings. This new baby was lost to miscarriage. We were matched again and she changed her mind. We had given up hope and felt we would have to move without a new baby. But everyone we knew prayed for a miracle, including our adoption agency, and about two weeks later our son's adoption fell through. We took him home on his 6 week birthday.
So--they both took place in America, where it is a bit easier than here just because of the sheer number of people. However, we had just decided to get into the adoption process here--even though only 50 adoptions were completed last year in NZ. We believe if it is God's will that we have more children--they will come. Our first two were absolute miracles and there is no reason why a third, or a fourth couldn't be miracles as well.
I don't believe you can look at the odds stacked against you and say--that will never happen for us. It happens everyday. And once you are in the adoption system--your friends and family will keep an ear out for you. I have several friends who have adopted babies that a friend heard about, etc. As hard and as terribly painful as it all is--you must go into it with an attitude of expecting a blessing. Did I feel that way the whole time? No--I did not. Many times I yelled and screamed at God at the injustice of it all, but in the end I knew that whatever God wanted for my life is what I wanted.
Read my adoption blog--it is not connected to this one--because I need a private place to vent, but I am happy for you read it. It is www.shareouradoptionstory.blogspot.com. I started that blog after our first failed adoption. Since then there have been three more. So in four years we have had four failed adoptions and two successful ones.
Hope that answers some questions Clara.
Ya'll keep praying. I am not ashamed to just ask God for another miracle!
We still don't know the ins and outs about dealing with the Hague Convention, but we are hoping since I am American citizen and the fact that this would be a purely private adoption (the birth mother choosing us to adopt her child)--that it just might work. We have emailed our adoption attorney in Texas. Of course, we won't hear from her until tomorrow at the earliest.
Yesterday I was ready to believe there was no way this could happen. And I spend most of yesterday thinking of a girlfriend in Texas who has one adopted child and wondering if she would like to adopt this baby. Today I am feeling like it might be a possibility. But I am remain determined that if nothing comes of this--I will not be devastated as in past failed attempts.
DH and I did have a good laugh this morning about how every time we have gotten rid of all of our baby stuff--we got a baby. Before Cupcake, after our first failed adoption, I got rid of every piece of baby girl clothes I had collected. I would have sold the crib too if DH had let me. Then in 3 months we had Cupcake. After the two failed adoptions the next year--I took back every piece of baby boy stuff--and we got the call about Bubba. I literally had nothing for him to wear and no place for him to sleep.
We have just gotten rid of every stitch of baby stuff we had. Maybe that was the problem with our failed adoption in January--I was collecting stuff and not giving it away. ;-)
Clara, a new reader from OZ, was asking some questions about our adoptions--so this next bit is just for her.
I am an American, married to a Kiwi, currently living in NZ. We have been here almost 2 years now. Before that we lived in America for 5 years. After years of infertility we started the adoption process in 2006. It seemed impossible! It was, really. We had no money for adoption--we were youth pastors. The wait list was a minimum of 2 years--that's what they told people. And this was with no conditions on it--meaning we were interested in any baby, no matter the race, or the birth circumstances, or even special needs. We just wanted to be a family. My husband is adopted and we believe in all of the good that adoption does.
Well, we were matched within 4 months with a birth mother. But that adoption failed at literally the last minute. She went to a homeless shelter with her new born and lost her to the state. We felt like our baby had died. We were devastated. But we were matched again within 2 weeks. Our baby girl was born in August of 2007. We were present when she was born and roomed in with her at the hospital. It was a miracle!
Just as we decided to move to NZ we got the call that her birth mother was expecting again. So, we started it all again. For these two adoptions we raised over $40,000 in less than two years through donations from friends, scholarships, grants, and all of our savings. This new baby was lost to miscarriage. We were matched again and she changed her mind. We had given up hope and felt we would have to move without a new baby. But everyone we knew prayed for a miracle, including our adoption agency, and about two weeks later our son's adoption fell through. We took him home on his 6 week birthday.
So--they both took place in America, where it is a bit easier than here just because of the sheer number of people. However, we had just decided to get into the adoption process here--even though only 50 adoptions were completed last year in NZ. We believe if it is God's will that we have more children--they will come. Our first two were absolute miracles and there is no reason why a third, or a fourth couldn't be miracles as well.
I don't believe you can look at the odds stacked against you and say--that will never happen for us. It happens everyday. And once you are in the adoption system--your friends and family will keep an ear out for you. I have several friends who have adopted babies that a friend heard about, etc. As hard and as terribly painful as it all is--you must go into it with an attitude of expecting a blessing. Did I feel that way the whole time? No--I did not. Many times I yelled and screamed at God at the injustice of it all, but in the end I knew that whatever God wanted for my life is what I wanted.
Read my adoption blog--it is not connected to this one--because I need a private place to vent, but I am happy for you read it. It is www.shareouradoptionstory.blogspot.com. I started that blog after our first failed adoption. Since then there have been three more. So in four years we have had four failed adoptions and two successful ones.
Hope that answers some questions Clara.
Ya'll keep praying. I am not ashamed to just ask God for another miracle!
Thank you for writing your story - I appreciate it! It does seem impossible for me and my husband to ever have any children together (our two children that we have are not my husband's children, they are the result of my sinful past life)... and the adoption thing seems impossible too. I only started looking into adoption recently because prior to that I refused to give up hope that we might have our own children one day... I'm not sure which is more impossible at this point - birth children or adopted children! Thankfully nothing is impossible with God!
ReplyDeleteI can appreciate your disappointment with the adoptions that failed; the Lord will work out this one for the best too, I am sure. My prayers are with you.
P.S. My husband is American too, maybe we could adopt through his home-country, too? He immigrated here only about 3 years ago!
So interesting Bonnie. And such a wonderful testimony! Here's to God blessing you many times more over! ☺
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