Is Different Okay?

This was my baby boy about a year ago. I took these photos for his 1st birthday. Now he's 2. I can't believe it!

About this time last year Ian (I call him Bubba here) met a dear friend's daughter, Hera. She is a trained teacher and just a sweet, sweet lady. She's moved back home to be close to family after her idiot partner made some really bad choices. Anyway, she also has a little girl Ian's age.

DH and I were out at family camp this morning to do worship with the campers and we took the kids. We've never gone for the whole time or spent the night, because Ian just can't handle that much stimulation for that long. He is literally uncontrollable until he just passes out from exhaustion. It's outside of his normal routine and structure. The few hours we were there this morning were really hard on us, but everyone was so kind and so patient with him. Hard not to be when he is so darn cute!

My friend and I were talking in the kitchen. She always does the catering for these things. Her and her husband--who are both just awesome people! She is about 8 years older than her husband. She is Maori and he is Pakeha (which just means White or European). She was a lawyer and he is a judge. They have raised 4 children together. He adopted her older two from a previous marriage and they had two.

Anyway, my friend and I were talking about kids and childcare. She told me not to use the home childcare service I had chosen that they have a bad reputation. That was good to know. I had also asked her youngest daughter to do some child minding for us and she has agreed (two hours, three mornings a week). I also heard that Hera is thinking of starting a home based childcare program through another agency. I was telling my friend how I would just wait and use Hera, because she would be the best. It was all so exciting. I was feeling so positive.

Then...it happened. My friend told me that Hera could spot Ian's "difference" (for lack of a better word) the first time she met him. Which was amazing because she had never heard his story. I was shocked. Really? She could tell? It had to do with his almost non-stop jumping, his running on tip toes, and even some of his facial structure. I was just blown away.

I would love for Hera to be their childcare provider. She is an amazing teacher and I know I could feel totally peaceful about leaving them with her. I haven't had any peace about leaving them with the lady we met last week. I liked her and I loved that there was a Nigerian girl there, but for all of the good I found I didn't have peace. Does that make sense?

But since hearing this story from my friend I have been so upset. I try and try to believe that Ian is just a little more hyper or impulsive or loud than the average 2 year old. Then I find out that someone who knows what to look for can spot him a mile away.

I'll never forget a friend from church (S from Canada if you've been reading a while) telling me one day "there is something wrong with him, it's obvious." She had only seen him once, for like 5 minutes. She isn't a trained teacher and had just told me a story about how her best friend's adopted son burned their house down and did all sorts of other horrible things until they relinquished him to the state. "And they were a lovely Christian family who had him since he was a baby--there was just something wrong with him." I don't think I have ever forgiven her for that. Was she telling me there was no hope for my child?

I feel all sorts of things today, especially after the week we have had. Is different okay? Will Ian ever have a chance to grow up and be a normal boy? Am I doing the right things with him? Can I trust others to treat him with kindness? I so don't want him to be labelled and have avoided discussing this issue a lot with the GP, but I am thinking of asking for a visit with the specialist. God knows it will probably take a year to get in there. But maybe he could be doing some occupational or physical therapy that would help him.

Ian is so sweet and so precious. He is an amazing child. He talks all the time. He has the best laugh. And he loves to cuddle. He has an awesome big sister and we just thank God all the time for our children. I hope that I am good enough to be his Mom.

It's days like today that I wonder if having any more children would be fair to them. Then I think I will just leave that in God's hands. God who knows best. We may still apply to adopt here and we may still pray that someday my body will line-up for ovulation, pregnancy, and childbirth. But in the mean time I have to decide that different is okay and that we can help him through this.