So, any of you who wanted to warn me not to post yesterday about being so happy--you can just keep it to yourself. Yup. It hit me last night. The doubt and the what-if's, the if onlys, etc. Why does that always happen? Not sure if it is Satan trying to bring me down or interfere with my progress or what it is?
Yesterday afternoon involved our second trip to the emergency room with Cupcake in a week. No seizures. Last week it was to have that toy cut off her finger. This week it was because she was stung by something right on her bottom eyelid--which then swelled up. UGH! I felt like the crazy mother who over reacts to everything and takes her kids to the doctors too much, because everyone at the clinic--said "you're back..." We were just there on Friday with both kids--Bubba for his wheezing and Cupcake because she had started that day with the cold and fever. Anyway, the nice lady doctor gave us an antihistamine for the bite and antibiotics in case it gets infected. At least that made me feel not so crazy.
Then we went to the post office, which was crazy. The pharmacy and the store--who knew that eggs, garbage bags, flour and sugar could cost $50. Well, it does. In NZ anyway. I got an email from a friend in the US about how food prices are expected to soar and I had to laugh. When you all are paying $15 for a whole frozen chicken or $6 for a half gallon of milk--then we can talk. Last week I spent $400 on groceries, 2/3 of our monthly budget and that didn't even include enough meat to get us through 2 weeks. I have to learn how to save money on my groceries and like fast!
Anyway, I was so tired by last night that I didn't even stay up for small group. I went to bed. I justified it with my runny nose, sore throat, and headache. I should have stayed up, because lying in bed all I did was worry about money.
Spiritually speaking--why does this always happen? We have deliberately sought after God. We have been intentional in seeking His will in all areas of our life, as of late anyway (for the last 3-4 months). We have always prayed, but we have really tried to make sure that we ask first before we do anything. I have prayed and asked about DH's school, about my counselling registration, about his work, about more kids, about our kids, about health, about fitness, and about money. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I know that we are amazingly blessed! Even if we lost the roof over our heads--we are still so blessed because we have each other and most importantly because we have God. Even Cupcake prays all the time now. She prayed at small group last night in front of a room full of adults.
I just hate the doubt, the worry, and the anxiety that creeps into my core. I've always been a worrying kind of person. I wish that I wasn't.
So--praying more today. Doing the next right thing that needs to be done. Loving my kids every chance I have. And trying to just put it all back in God's hands, every time I try to take it on myself. What more could I do?
Yesterday afternoon involved our second trip to the emergency room with Cupcake in a week. No seizures. Last week it was to have that toy cut off her finger. This week it was because she was stung by something right on her bottom eyelid--which then swelled up. UGH! I felt like the crazy mother who over reacts to everything and takes her kids to the doctors too much, because everyone at the clinic--said "you're back..." We were just there on Friday with both kids--Bubba for his wheezing and Cupcake because she had started that day with the cold and fever. Anyway, the nice lady doctor gave us an antihistamine for the bite and antibiotics in case it gets infected. At least that made me feel not so crazy.
Then we went to the post office, which was crazy. The pharmacy and the store--who knew that eggs, garbage bags, flour and sugar could cost $50. Well, it does. In NZ anyway. I got an email from a friend in the US about how food prices are expected to soar and I had to laugh. When you all are paying $15 for a whole frozen chicken or $6 for a half gallon of milk--then we can talk. Last week I spent $400 on groceries, 2/3 of our monthly budget and that didn't even include enough meat to get us through 2 weeks. I have to learn how to save money on my groceries and like fast!
Anyway, I was so tired by last night that I didn't even stay up for small group. I went to bed. I justified it with my runny nose, sore throat, and headache. I should have stayed up, because lying in bed all I did was worry about money.
Spiritually speaking--why does this always happen? We have deliberately sought after God. We have been intentional in seeking His will in all areas of our life, as of late anyway (for the last 3-4 months). We have always prayed, but we have really tried to make sure that we ask first before we do anything. I have prayed and asked about DH's school, about my counselling registration, about his work, about more kids, about our kids, about health, about fitness, and about money. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I know that we are amazingly blessed! Even if we lost the roof over our heads--we are still so blessed because we have each other and most importantly because we have God. Even Cupcake prays all the time now. She prayed at small group last night in front of a room full of adults.
I just hate the doubt, the worry, and the anxiety that creeps into my core. I've always been a worrying kind of person. I wish that I wasn't.
So--praying more today. Doing the next right thing that needs to be done. Loving my kids every chance I have. And trying to just put it all back in God's hands, every time I try to take it on myself. What more could I do?
The backyard is fenced! Can you get a cow or some chickens? Or grow something? I can't imagine food prices like that. Ramen noodles for dinner four nights a week is what it would come down to.
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