More Questions Than Answers

That sort of sums up my life at the moment. More questions than answers! No matter what I do...

We almost finished our training for adopting/fostering. It's exciting and overwhelming at the same time. Even though I know the chances of either happening are slim--I still struggle with
going through with it. You are probably saying "What?!" I know, I know. We just had a harder day of training last week, in the middle of a hard week, and I thought--"can we really handle foster kids or another baby?" The other baby part, I think "yes!" And that might take years anyway. I guess its the fostering part that worries me.

Then our babysitter freaked out last week and sent me a forceful email about sending the kids when they are sick. As if!!! Ian had one bad poo. DH said something stupid (as men do) about him having felt bad over the weekend. She freaked out that we had sent Bubba to her sick. It took me three days to get her to calm down. I was ready to quit her altogether. Seriously. As if I would send them sick. And since when does one messy poo constitute a tummy bug that requires a complete scrub down of the whole house? Lord, have mercy.

That screwed up our babysitting for Thursday--the training day. Our friends came through. But the lady that kept them in the morning hadn't kept them before. So Bubba was really upset at first. She said he was great, but boy has he made me pay for it since.

Yesterday, we met a great dog--who might come to live at our house. I can't decide. She's a full grown, small yellow lab. Very sweet--loves the kids! But she is a bit rambunctious and did knock Olivia down a few times. We don't know yet if she will get along with Kitty. They met, but it will take a while. Then I think--like I need one more thing living in the house at the moment.

Today, just when I think I am feeling cruisey and getting on with things--DH takes the kids to the park. What does Bubba do? Runs off several times, learns to climb new things, and then knocks an 18 mos old down. The baby hits his head on a metal bar and ends up with a goose egg and a cut. Yup.

After spending the afternoon in bed with a pillow over my head--I decided to count my blessings. I still have no idea what to do about the major decisions whirling around. Or what to do about my son who seems intent on bullying every baby he meets. Or what to do about my babysitter who drives me crazy and the separation guilt I feel leaving them behind.

I pray and I pray. But I think I must be doing something wrong. Maybe I need to pray more specifically. Maybe I need to be more organized. Maybe I need to do more for others. I don't know. What I do know is I got out of bed today and spent 2 hours playing with kids--and had a great time! That was awesome!!

Any advice on adopting again, on fostering, or on taking in a new dog would be greatly appreciated.

PS--I forgot to mention how irked I am by my favourite niece who is ignoring my FB messages or by my crazy family in general. What is wrong with people?!