Sorry it's been so long since my last post. Things have been a bit hectic. We've all had sinus and allergy stuff (it's just that time of year). I had my professional conference. DH threw is back out. Blah, blah, blah. Just life stuff, but still enough to keep me really busy.
Had a fun day at church today. Not really--that was sarcasm. We are struggling a bit with Bubba again. He is talking more and recognizing things. Which is good! But he is almost harder to control when he doesn't want to be compliant. Church is one of those places. He loves it as long as he is free to run around. He is not so found of sitting quietly. And forget about it if he gets fixated on something--I can't redirect him. The only thing I can do is ignore the stares and all of the well meaning people trying to talk to him--and go sit in the car. Usually he calms down in 5-10 minutes and we go back in. I tried to leave him in his new Sunday School class today, but that doesn't work. He really needs me to stay. So, I guess that is where I will be for the next however long it takes to get him adjusted.
Then I spend the rest of the Sunday trying not to think about all of the nasty looks we get from people. You know the ones "what's wrong with him?" or "why can't you control him?" They don't actually ask those questions--they just look like it. We do get the occasional nice person asking what's wrong, but I just tell them we are learning how to be quiet in church. I stopped taking him into the crying room, because I realized that is like a reward. He gets 45 minutes of one-on-one Mommy play time when he misbehaves. So the new rule is if he won't settle down (read stop screaming) we go sit in the car until he does. I really believe that even if he ends up having FAS or autism, he can (with loads of work maybe) learn how to behave within normal limits. I have seen him do it in many other areas of his life. I think this church thing is more about him not wanting to be stopped from doing what he wants.
Anyway--my conference was AWESOME! I had a great time. I felt at home and welcomed. It feels good to be a part of something that is my own. Soon I will be meeting with our pastor to discuss a proposal for working within the church. I will be self-supporting, my clients will pay me--not the church. But that will still be good. I should know at the end of June about my professional membership which will open up options for clients to pay me. And I have a new therapist. She is my counsellor. It's all part of my requirements. I really like her. She has suggested that we partner together in a practice through offices at her church (the slightly bigger/newer church). That was so nice. I am thinking about doing that on Mondays.
Next month, after his birthday, Bubba will qualify for 20 hours a week of subsidized child care. I can't believe he is already going to be 3! That will be nice. That means I can work up to 20 hours a week. The cost will be just slightly more than we pay now for 12 hours a week. That is good until they are 5 or 6. In NZ they don't have to start school until they are 6. And so I have another year or so to sort out homeschool, etc. Cupcake will be 4 in August.
My Bible study is finished for now. They want to do another one in August. So I have some time off. DH is super busy at work. We are still awaiting official word on our foster care application, but expect a positive result in the next couple of weeks. And hope to have our assessment for adoption done shortly.
That's everyone all caught up I think. At some point I want to link my family/adoption blog with this one. I am working on a brochure and a website for my counselling stuff. My house needs floor to ceiling cleaning and I am behind in my laundry. Anyway want to come help?
Had a fun day at church today. Not really--that was sarcasm. We are struggling a bit with Bubba again. He is talking more and recognizing things. Which is good! But he is almost harder to control when he doesn't want to be compliant. Church is one of those places. He loves it as long as he is free to run around. He is not so found of sitting quietly. And forget about it if he gets fixated on something--I can't redirect him. The only thing I can do is ignore the stares and all of the well meaning people trying to talk to him--and go sit in the car. Usually he calms down in 5-10 minutes and we go back in. I tried to leave him in his new Sunday School class today, but that doesn't work. He really needs me to stay. So, I guess that is where I will be for the next however long it takes to get him adjusted.
Then I spend the rest of the Sunday trying not to think about all of the nasty looks we get from people. You know the ones "what's wrong with him?" or "why can't you control him?" They don't actually ask those questions--they just look like it. We do get the occasional nice person asking what's wrong, but I just tell them we are learning how to be quiet in church. I stopped taking him into the crying room, because I realized that is like a reward. He gets 45 minutes of one-on-one Mommy play time when he misbehaves. So the new rule is if he won't settle down (read stop screaming) we go sit in the car until he does. I really believe that even if he ends up having FAS or autism, he can (with loads of work maybe) learn how to behave within normal limits. I have seen him do it in many other areas of his life. I think this church thing is more about him not wanting to be stopped from doing what he wants.
Anyway--my conference was AWESOME! I had a great time. I felt at home and welcomed. It feels good to be a part of something that is my own. Soon I will be meeting with our pastor to discuss a proposal for working within the church. I will be self-supporting, my clients will pay me--not the church. But that will still be good. I should know at the end of June about my professional membership which will open up options for clients to pay me. And I have a new therapist. She is my counsellor. It's all part of my requirements. I really like her. She has suggested that we partner together in a practice through offices at her church (the slightly bigger/newer church). That was so nice. I am thinking about doing that on Mondays.
Next month, after his birthday, Bubba will qualify for 20 hours a week of subsidized child care. I can't believe he is already going to be 3! That will be nice. That means I can work up to 20 hours a week. The cost will be just slightly more than we pay now for 12 hours a week. That is good until they are 5 or 6. In NZ they don't have to start school until they are 6. And so I have another year or so to sort out homeschool, etc. Cupcake will be 4 in August.
My Bible study is finished for now. They want to do another one in August. So I have some time off. DH is super busy at work. We are still awaiting official word on our foster care application, but expect a positive result in the next couple of weeks. And hope to have our assessment for adoption done shortly.
That's everyone all caught up I think. At some point I want to link my family/adoption blog with this one. I am working on a brochure and a website for my counselling stuff. My house needs floor to ceiling cleaning and I am behind in my laundry. Anyway want to come help?
I'm so glad you posted! I am assuming Cupcake is doing well medically??? How is stuff with her? You are right about Bubba; it is very hard and I don't know what to tell you. To me church is not worth it at all. People giving weird stares? That's love. :P
ReplyDeleteI've gotten those stares too but I don't anymore. Even my pastor is just so awesome with Chaz. Pastor openly talks with people up on the stage after church for people that have quick questions or just need to discuss something without being in ear distance. He's always, always taken time for Chaz. He treats my son with respect even though Chaz is only 10. He's been that way since Chaz first talked to him at 5. Pastor and his wife told me he prays for Chaz and our family every day. He's stood up for us when people said crap about things they didn't understand. I'm still grateful I go to church. I do realize that people aren't perfect and neither and I. There is a lady in my church that sounds a lot like what you are describing but we all understand that something is up with her daughter. She is four and still going through testing. She talks very, very little and not well so we don't know if there is any Autism there. There will always be some jerks though so don't give up on church. :) Love ya!
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