I know I haven't blogged in a long time--I should be catching everyone up on news, but instead I HAVE to ask a question. Do you believe that giving out awards for achievement (prize giving) at church is a good thing?
This year our very zealous, highly organized, on the verge of burn-out children's ministry coordinator focused the year's lesson plan on fruits of the spirit. Apparently, without discussing this with DH who is her boss, she decided with her volunteers that there would be prizes given to a select few children who most exemplified the fruits of the spirit--at church, in front of everyone.
She sent out an email to all of the parents last week identifying the children who would receive awards. One mother, who is a particularly vulnerable young women, emailed her back expressing concern. This mother has two daughters, only one received an award (as did all of their friends). The other daughter said, "if this is what church is about, I don't want to go." OUCH!
So, the children's ministry coordinator emailed DH last night begging for help--from me. (Rolling my eyes--this is the woman who wanted to be my very best friend last year until I wouldn't do exactly what she wanted me to do and so she dumped me--fine with me.) Now, using my best diplomacy and my super counsellor voice--I called her. I don't agree with prize giving at church of any kind. I think we go to church to worship God first and foremost, and that all are equally valuable and loved there. So worldly things like competition for the most friendly do not have a place there. Instead of telling her that--I said, in ministry you have to learn that sometimes you reduce your intentions/your program to the lowest common denominator. That is that all are welcome--all our loved. You take into consideration who this family is and their circumstances. Then you correct the problem. Our suggestion was that each child then get a certificate of some kind that says--you are loved and valuable at church, etc.
She was livid! She began to cry when I wouldn't just give in to her explanation of why this was a good idea. Then said she just couldn't talk and hung up. Completely inflexible and unwilling to listen to reason. Whatever her good intentions are she has to understand she has wounded this family and now has to make amends in order to keep from doing permanent spiritual damage to them. This is the kind of thing that causes people to leave church and never go back.
Of course this whole thing is drowning in the mess that is our church--the few people who support the negative nellies who are loud and vocal and cause all of the mayhem there. This children's ministry worker has found support in that group which makes it very hard to deal with her from the pastor's perspective. She has huge personal problems as well and is one of those people who says she never has help--then we you offer help or actually beg her to let us help her--she refuses.
So--was I wrong? Do rewards to kids for things like friendliness have a place at church? Do rewards of any kind have a place at church? Aren't we supposed to teach people that church is where everyone is welcome because of their innate value to God? Everyone is treasured.
Sometimes I think that having a job as a caretaker on an isolated island somewhere would be awesome! I could spend my days with my family and worshipping God and never have to worry about difficult people. :-/
This year our very zealous, highly organized, on the verge of burn-out children's ministry coordinator focused the year's lesson plan on fruits of the spirit. Apparently, without discussing this with DH who is her boss, she decided with her volunteers that there would be prizes given to a select few children who most exemplified the fruits of the spirit--at church, in front of everyone.
She sent out an email to all of the parents last week identifying the children who would receive awards. One mother, who is a particularly vulnerable young women, emailed her back expressing concern. This mother has two daughters, only one received an award (as did all of their friends). The other daughter said, "if this is what church is about, I don't want to go." OUCH!
So, the children's ministry coordinator emailed DH last night begging for help--from me. (Rolling my eyes--this is the woman who wanted to be my very best friend last year until I wouldn't do exactly what she wanted me to do and so she dumped me--fine with me.) Now, using my best diplomacy and my super counsellor voice--I called her. I don't agree with prize giving at church of any kind. I think we go to church to worship God first and foremost, and that all are equally valuable and loved there. So worldly things like competition for the most friendly do not have a place there. Instead of telling her that--I said, in ministry you have to learn that sometimes you reduce your intentions/your program to the lowest common denominator. That is that all are welcome--all our loved. You take into consideration who this family is and their circumstances. Then you correct the problem. Our suggestion was that each child then get a certificate of some kind that says--you are loved and valuable at church, etc.
She was livid! She began to cry when I wouldn't just give in to her explanation of why this was a good idea. Then said she just couldn't talk and hung up. Completely inflexible and unwilling to listen to reason. Whatever her good intentions are she has to understand she has wounded this family and now has to make amends in order to keep from doing permanent spiritual damage to them. This is the kind of thing that causes people to leave church and never go back.
Of course this whole thing is drowning in the mess that is our church--the few people who support the negative nellies who are loud and vocal and cause all of the mayhem there. This children's ministry worker has found support in that group which makes it very hard to deal with her from the pastor's perspective. She has huge personal problems as well and is one of those people who says she never has help--then we you offer help or actually beg her to let us help her--she refuses.
So--was I wrong? Do rewards to kids for things like friendliness have a place at church? Do rewards of any kind have a place at church? Aren't we supposed to teach people that church is where everyone is welcome because of their innate value to God? Everyone is treasured.
Sometimes I think that having a job as a caretaker on an isolated island somewhere would be awesome! I could spend my days with my family and worshipping God and never have to worry about difficult people. :-/
I thought you WERE on an isolated island somewhere! This is the last place left before you slip into Antarctica or somethin'. :)
ReplyDeleteBut I agree. What they are really rewarding is natural temperment. Some of our children REALLY REALLY STRUGGLE and other kids can display these "fruits" without really trying. I also find the prizes for raising the most money or "good behaviour" or "bringing a friend" and that sort of thing very hurtful. I wouldn't care at all if we all started out with equal talents and these rewards were simply tokens of our actual effort.
We both know they are not. I would either not do anything or I would rotate it a bit, select a child at random to genuinely reward each week (and then cross him off your secret list/remove name from hat until all kids are covered) and talk about something that child is doing or did in the past that was a blessing or an encouragement to others.
At my daughter's preschool they have the "superstar" of the day and that kid gets to be line leader and sing a special song. Every kid gets a turn and it really is a neat idea.
Oh well. Rambling. Hugs to ya.
Um, maybe it's a southern thing. Every Sunday school I've had anything to do with has done this in some form or other. As a child it was quite a bit do but it revolved around memory verses, attendance & scripture knowledge. THey gave books as prizes so I was always well motivated! lol Minor prizes were cards with bible verses. Everyone got something.
ReplyDeleteSame thing on the island. Everyone got something according to attendance. Wether we should or not is another matter. I like the *idea* of giving every child a small something for coming every week. I don't like the idea of competitiveness or any sort of super spirituality attached to the giving. NO help, I know, but them's my thinks. Blessings. Rather you than me with that particular mess.
OH Bonnie! I am almost done reading a book titled PRACTICING AFFIRMATION by Sam Crabtree. Everyone involved in any sort of relationship at all needs to read this book! The exhibition of Christlike character traits absolutely should be affirmed, but to make Christlike behavior a means to a tangible prize in NOT what this means. Not to mention the temptation to praise the created over the creator. When I was growing up this stuff was part and parcel of Sunday School and I hated it. We didn't go regularly so I was never quite "up" on the current competition and being non-competitive I was put off by it. Probably one of the reasons I rebelled so against the Baptist church, come to think of it. There was always some be competition going on which just didn't ring right. So as the child who hated this stuff I can attest to the danger. But again, Christlike behavior in children (and others as well) should be affirmed by those who witness the behavior. PRACTICING AFFIRMATION would be a great addition to any church/pastor's library. There are ways to affirm and encourage that do not entail a "singling out" and giving a "prize!"
ReplyDeleteThe only I would agree on kids getting an award is if one was thought of for every single child. I'm sure something can be found positive for each one. I can see how singling out would hurt kids or maybe discourage them if they didn't "measure up"
ReplyDeleteI looooove Happy Elf Mom's idea!
ReplyDelete