Goodbye 2011

Hello 2012. What will you mean to me? Will you be kind to me and my family? Or will you be a year of hardship and heartbreak? I don't know. In fact in many ways even as I face a milestone year (big birthday of which I do not speak), I feel like I know less and less. Maybe I should rephrase that. I feel as if there is less I can be certain about, but maybe my wisdom is increasing as I learn to become more patient with each passing day.

What did I learn in 2011? I learned that life is full of things you simply can't change. You can't change the fact that your brother is dying from a terminal heart condition and now sits at the top of the heart/lung transplant list. You can't change the circumstances of your son's birth or maybe even ever see him completely overcome his "delays." You can't keep your parents from growing older and struggling with illness and lonliness. You can't make everything "alright" for you family all of the time, or keep the world from hurting people you love. Sometimes you can't pay all of your bills or take that long awaited and deserved vacation. Sometimes you can't change people's opinions of you. You can't fix every broken family, client, or child. Even as foster parents there is a limited amount of good you can do in any given situation.

I also learned that--I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13). Meaning with Christ I can (and do) hope, persevere, work, live, dream, plan, organize, and even succeed with many things and in many circumstances. Because of Christ and my relationship with Him I can and do pray for my brother, my parents, my family, our children, my clients, and all of the children in the foster system. And because of Christ there is always hope that miracles can and do occur. I've seen them myself. When I was healed of thyroid cancer in 1999, when I met DH, or when Cupcake and Bubba came to be our children--when relationships that were lost were healed, and when our needs were provided for even in ways we couldn't have imagined to ask.

In 2011 I have been angry, sad, joyful, happy, peaceful, disturbed, let-down, worried, sick, healthy, estatic, and useless. This year I hope that I will find more peace, more joy, more comfort, and more usefulness. It promises to be a good year.

DH and I are making new committments to healthy lifestyle--more balance, less food, more exercise, more discipline, more quaility time with God and with each other. After a year of hard work and struggles it's likely that Bubba will get a diagnosis (if there is one) for his speech and cognitive delays. And very soon we may have a diagnosis regarding his hearing. If he needs help--he will get it. He is getting it. That's huge! Cupcake continues to thrive in her little life. She is even pooping on the potty (HUGE deal for a chronically constipated kid). And in Augst we will officially be "homeschoolers." She is 15 months seizure free! My practice continues to grow and thankfully people continue to receive help. This year I will be more intentional in my use of time and balance of work and family.

Finally--last but not least--there is a work being done in my brother and in his family. MP had a faith at one time and it is my hope that he will return to his faith through this illness and process. He says he is looking forward to being restored to health and living life again, which is positive talk for a 51 year old man facing a heart/lung transplant. I know that he and his family are being supported in prayer all over the world. As one friend put it--what more could I do? Nothing. Prayer is everything. So, I sit here on the other side of the world without the means to visit him or help him physically knowing that he is in God's hands. I shan't take him back. :-) God can do far more for him than I can.

I want to blog more again. Maybe I will in the coming year. I hope so. Thank you for sticking with me. The few of you that read are my very good friends and prayer partners. That means the world to me! Please continue to pray for my brother and for Ian (Bubba). We also continue to ask God to add to our family through adoption or fostering, if it is His will. We would treasure the chance to be parents to a tiny baby again. Pray for us too as we attempt to make 2012 the year that we get healthy for God, with God, for each other. We want our whole lives, even our weight and eating (which gives us so much comfort) to be about spiritual discipline. And I promise to pray for all of you. Happy New Year!!! Blessings in 2012.