Ummm...?

This is sort of how I've been feeling lately. Like a need a private island and no you cannot come with me. Just when I thought the kids had outgrown the need to follow me to the bathroom--suddenly there is no privacy in my house. And Sissy is in the adorable (most of the time) phase of life where she talks non-stop and asks even more questions. DH was driving me nuts, but we are now having a moment of clarity, which is nice. This means he is living in the house and actually participating in our lives--not just hanging out and doing his own thing. Nice!

Still I have been filled with anxiety lately and I don't know why. It could be any number of things--like worrying about my brother or money or work or weight or the kids. But it feels like that sense of impending doom. So instead of letting it linger I just keep rebuking it in the name of Jesus and it goes away.

Had a blood test this week. Looks as if the big D is definitely coming. The doctor called and wants to see me on Tuesday. I guess they will do the all day sugar test, but it looks like I am finally crossing the line into diabetes. Yuck! I have been fighting it for years. I was first diagnosed with policystic ovarian syndrome in 1993, which means insulin resistance (or borderline type 2 diabetes). I took medication for years--hoping to ovulate if my blood sugar normalized. But nothing ever happened. Now after the better part of 3 years with no medication--I am going to be diagnosed. It kind of sucks. But I guess treating it is better than ignoring it.

Working on the spiritual issues surrounding my food addiction. Not a fun process.

Got a call that the pediatrician has referred Bubba to the developmental assessment team, which will include testing for autism and ADHD. His hearing aid should be here in a few more weeks. And we are still waiting on speech therapy to begin this year. We have also been referred to a special group that works with deaf kids and speech/developmental stuff, but the audiologist told us not to get our hopes up. They usually don't take kids who are only partially deaf. Hmmm...

Struggling a bit with needing to write New Year's letters to the birth mothers. I didn't write them at Christmas as usual. One is in prison again (wonder who has her new baby) and one is still running the streets with her 6 month old daughter. It just makes me angry.

Good news--we've been asked by a large children's welfare group in NZ to speak on drug babies. That would be interesting and perhaps a way to help others.

Find myself praying every night as I go to sleep that God will bring us one more baby through adoption here.

So looking forward to May. Not because it's my birthday--inspite of it. My BFF is coming over from Texas and we are flying off to OZ! Spending 3.5 days in Sydney. I am so excited--I can hardly wait! This will be my first ever real vacation. Little nervous about being a different country than my children, but hoping with enough training DH can manage fine without me for a few days.

Cleaning a lot lately. Just find that I need order in my life at the moment. This probably means I should be seeking internal order, but it's easier to start with the external stuff. :-)