She went so far this time as to say they are out of control in the mornings (she knows this just from the noise we make apparently) and then insulted our parenting skills. Further into the conversation with DH she suggested we move somewhere without neighbors to disturb. He told her she should move. And that quibble went on for a while until he finally said, "Yep, I've had enough, whatever...call the noise police next time" and came in the house. He was not a happy camper. Lucky for this lady he is not a bloke who loses his cool. And very lucky for her she was not talking to me. You don't rile this Momma Bear up about her kids--just ain't happening, ain't happening.
Anyway, I sat down some time later and wrote her a calm letter. It was posted today, she should receive it tomorrow or the next day. Here's what I said:
April 15, 2013
Dear Mrs. Kravitz (only what we call her, not her real name):
While I was not involved in this morning’s conversation
between you and Andy, he did explain the basics of what brought you over to our
house. I know that Andy was frustrated, you did catch him at a bad time as he
was busy getting ready to leave for conference. First just let me say we are
sorry that you are disturbed and felt it necessary to come and complain.
Secondly, I would like to say that it is often beneficial to
consider how the other person might be feeling or what stress might exist in
their life when you address them with an issue. You wouldn’t know this—but
Ian’s hearing is deteriorating rapidly. He is now totally deaf in his left ear
to the point that hearing aids no longer help. We are currently at the hospital
every 3-4 weeks to monitor his right ear and to investigate for the cause of
his hearing loss. This hearing problem makes it very hard for him to hear,
especially in conversation and when people are in another room. This is also
why he is personally quite loud. And why we often have to be loud to
communicate with him. Ian is a legally disabled person (deaf, speech delayed,
with behavioural and cognitive issues related to his hearing loss), receiving
care from the MOH and the MOE. He/We deserve some allowance for that. To
complain about a deaf child and his family being loud borders on
discrimination. I’m sure that is not what you want to do.
You might also be interested to know that my father in
America is dying a horrible death from bone cancer. And my brother in America
received a heart and lung transplant 10 months ago and is now struggling with
heart failure again. I have been two America twice now in a very short time
which puts a lot of additional stress on the family. I have also recently had
to resign my position with the DHB in order to be available to help Ian with
his transition to primary school this winter.
In respect of your complaint, we will endeavour to keep the
kids in the back of the house early in the morning (before 6:30-7 am). This
will help cut down on what you hear in the morning since (I believe) your
bedroom is close to our kitchen/dining area. I will also put up some heavier
curtains in their room which may help cut down on any noise you hear from
there. They have recently (in the last month) been moved into the bedroom on
your side together, as it is opposite ours, and we needed to make space for my
mother who plans to come stay with us when my Dad passes away.
We are not moving, as you suggested. We love this house, the
neighbourhood, the friends we have made, and have a long lease. This is our
home just as much as your house is your home. We will do everything we can to
be better neighbours. But, please, let’s try to avoid any more impromptu
encounters. If you have any issues in the future, please call us and make an
appointment to discuss them. We have sent a copy of this letter to our landlord
for his records.
PS—we will make sure all holes are plugged to keep Kitty
(the dog) in our yard.
What do you think? Considering starting a pool for betting on how or when she next shows up next to complain. We tried kindness with this woman in the beginning, baking for her and even inviting them over for our Christmas party. It doesn't work. She is just a miserable human being. A dear friend once told us to pray that God either "repairs her or removes her." They are trying to sell their house (privately, no sign out front), but are asking over the rated value in the most depressed market in NZ. Maybe some Chinese millionaire will want to buy it--who knows.
You're nicer than I would have been. GOOD FOR YOU sending a copy to your landlord. :)
ReplyDeleteI know it's hard but we shouldn't just "try" being nice. That is something God commands us to do regardless of the other persons behavior. Bless them that curse you and pray for your enemies is what the Bible says. Writing her this letter that makes her feel bad because you have a lot going on might help but, I would try praying for her and continue doing nice things. It will heap coals of fire on her head the Bible says, it also says the heathen are even nice to those who are nice to them but we should be nice to people who are not to us. She could be going through a lot too. Bitter people are often hurting people. I know this is way easier said than done. I have a mother in law I must try to do this same stuff with and it's been years and she still acts horrible. But at least I can know I'm in the right by staying sweet and praying for her. She is just a bitter unhappy person too and I don't know if she will ever change either but you never know! :) -Jane
ReplyDeleteVery good letter. I like how you mention that how it could be considered discrimination. Might make her think twice. I think some people just plain enjoy being miserable. Too bad when one of them is your neighbor. Kids need to be loud sometimes:) Sorry about all the trials you are having all at once...I will keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteDella