Normalcy? & Anonymous

This morning I actually have some time to myself. What a glorious thing! Time to catch up on laundry, drink an extra cup of coffee, and catch with bloggy buddies. I had already decided to blog today when I got a new comment on my last blog (the letter to Mrs. Kravitz) from months ago. It said, "I would expect something nicer from a 'pastor's wife'."

Right. Because pastor's wives aren't human and don't have instincts to protect their children. We are perfect beings who never struggle with anger or sadness. Funny--Mrs. Anonymous (assuming it's a women, most men wouldn't waste their time leaving an anonymous comment)--I could actually put your comment on my tombstone. Because if I had to live up to every one's idea of what a "pastor's wife" should be I would fail miserably and probably die trying. It's impossible. 

Thankfully, I only have to be accountable to God and He is forgiving if I make a mistake. I don't believe I did in that letter. I was apologetic, respectful and simply asked for a little grace while reminding our former neighbour that my son is disabled. Anyway, the neighbours have moved. They had already listed their house before that day and she just didn't mention that to us. A nice new family has moved in next door--we've already made friends and the lady has passed on how many grateful comments she has had from the neighbourhood that the Kravitzes are gone. Too funny!

By the way--I was praying for her. Did so everyday we have lived here. For the last two years I have prayed "Lord, improve our relationship or remove them please." A dear friend (also a pastor's wife of many years) told me about that prayer--improve or remove. It worked. And our life is happier--thank you Jesus! We play outside more. We walk to the end of the street to pet and feed the horses (neighbour's horses). We even laugh and sing outside. Who knew life could be so fun when not constantly confronted with the negativity of one hateful person.

On to other things. My father passed away in June. The kids and I arrived on June the 7th and he died on the 18th. DH got there a week after us, but he was able to see him as well before Dad slipped into a coma. I never expected to be caring for the man who made my growing up years a living hell, or who molested me when I was a child, but I did and it was the most miraculous thing that ever happened to me.

Dad was calm and pleasant the whole time we were there. Even with the noise a 4 and 5 year old can make. Ian was his very generous self and gave "Pappaw" lots of kisses and cuddles. It made my Dad smile in ways I have only seen a handful of times in my life. 

Mom was so tired after caring for him, mostly alone, since January (when I was last there). So I took over. Dad seemed to want me to help him. And surprisingly (to me) I wanted to help him. I have cared for so many people, family and friends, while they died. I am good at it. But I never thought I would do it for Dad. I didn't think I would be able to. We haven't even talked more than 5 minutes in the last 22 years. But God was with us and I know that God blessed us, perhaps because I was willing to honour my father during this time. I helped feed him, change his adult diapers and keep his bed clean. I gave his meds around the clock and sat up with him every night for the last week of his life. 

As a family we read scripture, we sang (Mom, me, sister and nieces, sometimes DH too) hymns, and we talked to Dad. He was unconscious, but he knew we were there. His face was never without a response. I got to tell him that I forgave him, that I loved him, and how I would miss him. Truly. He struggled so to die. The hospice nurses kept coming and saying he would go at any minute and he didn't This went on for days. I would sit with him at night and talk to him about redemption and the blood of Christ, about heaven, and about how his mother (who died when he was only 5) would be there to see him (I hope that's how it works). I recognized for the first time in my life that sin is sin, and if I am forgiven then so is Dad (he was a believer). I truly hope that this man who found so little joy in life is filled to over flowing with joy in heaven. It was a miraculous time for us. Mom told me just to day that about 2 weeks before he died he has said "I waited too long. I should have done more." In their conversation he said he should have done more with the family, he should have loved more, been happier, etc. That was so powerful to me and almost as good as if he had said "I'm sorry." Just knowing that he regretted not really being a part of our lives was a huge gift to me. 

So we got back to NZ after 5 weeks and things have slowly returned to normal. Mom arrived on the 16th of August, almost 2 months after Dad passed away. She is here on a Grandparent's Visa and will stay for 18 months. She's applied for residency and we are hoping that goes smoothly. It's always an adjustment when a new person joins the family, but we are all handling it pretty well. Olivia has had the hardest time. I think the pain of losing our foster daughter last year and having to share me with Granny has just been a bit hard for my girl. But she seems to be over the worst of it. She even wrote Granny a note yesterday that said, "I love you Granny. Olivia" Ian and his precious and accepting self is over the moon to have another lap to cuddle on. Bless his heart. And DH is enjoying the challenge and encouragement he receives from Mom. I am loving all of it. :-)